I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
