So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
