FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
