the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
