Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
