Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
