tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
