Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
