where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize