Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize