And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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