Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
