the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Panties = found
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
