Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize