i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
