Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
