I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
