One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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