To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
