If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
