I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want her autograph on my taint
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
