I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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