if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
