I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
