So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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