my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
