I've blown a few things in my day
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
