I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
