How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
