We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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