i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
