I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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