Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
