I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
