I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
