He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
