Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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