I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
