Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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