Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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