I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
