Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
