i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize