Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
