I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
