It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
