he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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