If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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