Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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