How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
