hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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