First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
