Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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