Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think a kid would responsible me up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
