I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
