The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize