We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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