it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
