so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
