he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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