Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
