dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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