I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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