when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
