So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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