Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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